Fearless 2021 Predictions

Hey howdy hey!

One would be hard-pressed to find somebody who thought 2020 was anything more than meh at best. Maybe my hug-averse daughter. And I did release "Pun And Grimeish Mint" in 2020, so that was great. Two people, then, but that's probably it. I suppose babies born in 2020 would look fondly at it, so 140,000.002 people. That should be it.

I do believe, though, that 2021 will be a marked improvement over anno horribilus 2020. To that end, I've researched, toiled, stayed up to the wee hours of the morning to present a list of predictions for the upcoming year. Researched, toiled, stayed up... or just sat here and flew this off the cuff. Pretty much the same thing. Anyhoo, here we go:

- Thanks to global vaccination, Covid 19 will be obliterated. As a result, over 90% of the world population will injure themselves as they return to activities like walking and smelling fresh air.

- People will continue to wear masks until late in the year, not because they need to but because they would be unrecognizable without them.

- Similarly, bank robberies will increase slightly as robbers storm into banks without masks on and foil opportunities at identification while they can.

- Social media will collapse as all people, living and dead, fall victim to cancel culture leaving no one to follow, like or tweet.

- Because of the negative connotation, optometrists will no longer tell someone they have excellent 20/20 vision, opting to use 20/21 instead.

- Movie studios and theatres will rebound strongly as Baby Yoda is added to every cinematic feature released over the year.

- Birthday and Christmas gifts will be wrapped in toilet paper as people contemplate what to do with their now-excessive stash of it.

- CGI technology advances to such a degree that old film and TV classics are rereleased with people of colour and multi-gender types added in as new characters.

- Racism and violence become non-existent as media finally stops devoting time and energy to them and instead begins reporting on positive interactions.

- Donald Trump is arrested but somehow manages to become prison warden.

- A new app is released that takes the world by storm. "Phone" allows people to talk to one another, without need for texting or video. This is joined late in the year by "Encyclopedia", a manual-Google feature.

- World leaders, corporation titans, eco-warriors and people of all genders, colours and religions rejoice together as the last "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" is aired. Hostilities resume when "Keeping Up With The Kardashians II: The Kash Kow" is released a few months later.

- Sales of Beethoven, Bach and Mozart recordings skyrocket as rap and hip-hop becomes the go-to for the old and lame, forcing kids to rebel by listening to music their parents loathe.

- The first details of zombies in the real world surface. Scientists are baffled as the zombies are not slow and plodding, nor fast, have no desire for brains or human flesh and generally look well-groomed. Donald Trump insists that the zombies voted for Biden in 2020 in attempt number 1,300,000 at a recount.

Happy trails,

Lloyd